Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Madness

Okay, not what I wanted, but here it is.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Tales of Grandeur

It all started with an idea, as many things often do. This idea was one of travel, we would find our way down to one of the most isolated areas in Oregon. There we would have one of the most thrilling adventures of our lives. Or so we thought. The planning was fairly haphazard, all we thought we would need is 300 dollars, a tent and some basic camping tools. We brought more the we expected to, but it was okay, better safe then sorry.

The drive was where it all came together. This was my first road trip without adults to follow along, and the drive made that feeling all the more apparent. Conversations were frequent, and mostly consisted of what kind of epic adventures we should try our hand at once we arrived at our destination. The music was loud and obnoxious. The playlist consisted of Aqua, Dragonforce, Voltaire, and Amon Amarth.

It was getting dark, as we hadn't started our trip at an early time. We were all tired, hungry and sick of driving. Not to mention we were also running low on gas. So we parked in an Oregonian shopping centers lot.  Near a gas station, there were signs everywhere telling us that overnight parking was strictly forbidden. The cars owner became hesitant to sleep in a place that explicitly told us not to sleep there. We looked for a while and eventually found a place to park in the local coffee stand's lot. We were parked next to some ominous foggy woods which sparked a conversation not soon forgotten.

You see, the most terrifying thing four bored men can come up with at 3:00 in the morning in a strange area is apparently little Asian boys with duct tape, trying purge our testicles of hair. We all had a hard time sleeping that night, I'm fairly positive that we slept in accidental shifts in order to protect our goods. The next morning was nice, we went into the grocery store and picked up some of the essentials. Bacon, chicken and many, many snacks. None of which are actually essential, we hadn't really thought that one out, but we did learn an important lesson. Don't shop hungry.

We stopped to get some gas before we left the town. We were all a little rattled from the night before, but we pressed on. We spent the rest of our drive feeling incredibly lost, and passing by what seemed like too many naked old persons moving about in there yards as shamelessly as one could possibly be when naked. Then we finally arrived in the chosen destinations town. This was an omen, as once we entered, the map quest directions suddenly ordered us to make a turn to the right. I tried to warn the driver, but to no avail, it was to late, or so we thought. He slammed on the brakes and grabbed the wheel, making a hard right (I'm pretty sure the car was on two wheels.) and slammed into the curb on the opposing side of the road. We stopped for a moment, and took in what had happened. There was no visible damage to the car, but emotions were high. Evidently that wasn't even the right turn, and in one day we had learned a second life lesson. Don't trust Map Quest.

We arrived at the camping ground with no further setbacks. I payed for the spot, and we dropped off our things, got set up, and then went back into town for food. We found a Fred Meyers where we purchased even more important things. Several pairs of flip flops, a tiki torch, glasses sunglasses cover, and food. We returned to the camp sight, and ate. Then three of us went to the tent for rest. The other, smart one ended decided to sleep in the car. It began to rain, I was awoken by a strange cold feeling on my face and hands. A lack of snoring coming from the other sleepers in the tent. I looked around, not fully aware of my surroundings, to see why my rest had been so rudely interrupted by cold. I was suddenly alerted by the drip of water that smacked me in the face. The tent was leaking, and I was under one of the leaks. I looked around, concluding that my friends had also gotten wet, and had retreated to the car for shelter and warmth. I attempted to do the same. Sadly my common decency told me to not knock on the window so I didn't disturb the sleepers in the car. I wandered about for a while trying to find a place to sleep. The options were tent, campground restrooms, under the car. I attempted to get comfortable in the restrooms. This did not work out, and defeated I began sulking my way back to the tent. When I heard on of my companions saying my name. Immediately I responded, I walked to him and told him that he, and my other friends were ass holes for abandoning me to freeze in that damned tent. Feeling guilty they told me that it was too cold and I was snoring very loud. But invited me to sleep in the car anyways. The next morning we awoke hungry and confused. We inspected the tent which was indented in several places by pools of water.

We headed into town for food. We all wanted something warm, and we decided that KFC fit the bill. We drove up to the building only to learn that KFC is not meant to be consumed in the waking hours, saddened we continued our search. Next we arrived at McDonald's, which delighted one of my friends. His life goal was set on consuming bacon at that exact moment. A goal that he felt crushed once he found out that McDonald's was no longer serving their breakfast menu. Still, once he was up for his order to be taken he said as hopelessly as I had ever heard. "I want Bacon." The cashier smiled and told him there was hope yet. They had breakfast sandwiches left over. And they had bacon on them. Delighted he ordered two of them. Sadly the sandwiches did not prove to meet his standards as he proceeded to make incredibly sad faces the rest of the meal. Apparently bacon that tastes like cardboard is not enjoyable by even the hungriest of men.

That evening we finally got around to cooking the chicken that we had bought. With a little butter and chicken wrapped nicely in tinfoil and some fire we made the best chicken any of us of have ever had. Then we slept the day off. Once we awoke we began packing our things only to learn one more lesson. Urine is not a good way to put out a fire, however, it could be weaponized. One of my friends took it to heart that he was going to settle his vendetta against the smouldering ashes. He chose to pee on them, as a last attempt of revenge the fire spat billows of noxious gas at him. The smoke traveled towards any who dared enter the campsite. Protecting our goods from being re-procured for the journey home.

After all was said and done, we headed out. But hell, that was an amazing week.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The neighbors are at it again.

Okay, neighbors of the upstairs persuasion. I'm not entirely sure what I should think of you any more. It's two am, that is not the time to be watching Jurassic Park. And even if you are not watching Jurassic Park, you should at least keep it down. I am not one to sleep on a timely schedule either, but I do not keep you, or the angry people below up with what I'm sure is the sound of a Velociraptor choking on a cow. If that is not what I am hearing, then I weep for your relationship, because it sounds quite horrendous.

No less then three hours of this almost three times a week. Usually beginning on the hour I wished to sleep. I am truly happy for you, Mr. Upstairs person, you must feel quite lucky. But could you please not be so loud when I am trying to fall asleep. Sometimes I wonder how my roommates sleep through your escapades, and even more I wonder if that is truly Mrs. Upstairs person that you have over. I am concerned because sometimes I'm sure that is not happy yelling that I am hearing.

And that brings me the next concern. I'm not sure why you find it necessary to roll around on the floor with wheeled desk chair. At a different time I might just show up to join you in what seems like marvelous escapades, But right now it's two am. Right now I would much rather be falling asleep, and you are not helping this.

I tried to play some music in order to tune you out, but it almost sounds like you knew I would do this, so instead you started to do a little jig. I find this somewhat disheartening, as I am using headphones. Your ability to predict my next move is quite impressive. I think I will have to step up my game next time you initiate combat. I'm thinking of buying massive sub woofers for the next time you have any escapades.

Anyways Upstairs People I think you would be fun people to get to know, only if I weren't so informed of your day to day lives. I'm at least happy for you, but you should think of other people before you guys get all Velociraptor on each other. If you ever happen to read this, take it into mind.

PS: Angry downstairs people, your angry. Please stop banging on the ceiling every time someone sits down. Were not trying to be mean, we just want to get comfortable.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Story of my yoots

This week, is a story that I hold dear to my hart, mostly because it involves the day that I met one of the coolest, (If not a little insane), Friends.

It starts with my move from Utah to Washington State. (For people who hate America, or just don't want to take the time to look at a map that's really dry place to one of the most humid places ever.) Which happened mid summer, also allowing me to have an extra week of summer vacation. Hells yeah different school cycles!

Anyways, for the first week or so I was too scared to actually meet and talk to people, until that one fateful day. A kid in my class decided to approach me. He stared me down old western style, and when I finally asked him "what" I was greeted with a sharp pain in the back of my head. The bastard hit me, he approached me to hit me in the back of the head. This was his goal, to cause a mild annoyance to some stranger. That day recess was the usual, standing about pondering the day, and other mindless things.

Then by the end of the day, the annoyance had become full blown rage. We both walked home, I caught him walking and followed him, yelling the whole way. Apparently I looked like I was some kind of evil fueled hate machine. (That is according to him.) Once we arrived at his front door I took a moment to gather myself. I was going to tell his parents of the unjust actions taken upon me.

When I knocked on the door, his mother peered out and asked if she could help me. (I'm assuming at this point the perpetrator had already informed his parents that some crazy kid followed him home, and was going to try and get him in trouble.) Dutifully I announced to her what had transpired.

Me: Your son hit me in class today.

Parent: Did he? I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to come in?

Me: ...

Parent: I've got some chips and popcorn. Or some lemonade if you would like.

Me: Sure.

And so with the offer of food and beverage I entered. For some reason my rage had entirely dissipated I was now at peace with the actions taken against me. I followed her in, and she then directed me her child. I saw him Sitting in front of his Television, playing his SNES game system, without a second thought I walked to him and sat down. I feasted on my rewards of Bugles and Lemonade, and played video games.

That was twelve years ago. Through one random act of violence I have forged a friendship that has forged many friendships through the ages. My thanks go out to you, you crazy bastard. So lesson learned? Violence is good. Don't let you parents tell you otherwise.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Musically Inquired

I'm fairly positive that at one point in nearly everybody's life they think to themselves that they are going to try and write a song, or make music of any kind. This is true, at least, for me. I have long wanted to make at least one song and share it with the masses. Only problem is, I'm mostly tone deaf so I have never ventured on this endeavor, and more then likely never really will.

Why then write about it, you ask? Well, I recently stumbled upon this strange table top item that is for the most part revolutionary for DJ's. This thing is called the Reactable and it pretty much makes all other DJ stations look like they are outdated. It uses a touch screen and objects referred to as pucks and cubes to send your computer signals that can do pretty much anything you could do in other mixer programs. The unique part of this is the musicians ability to quickly maneuver the cubes onto different surfaces changing the track entirely.

I haven't actually gotten a chance to play with one of these, but by the looks of this, if you have ever wanted to DJ, make music or even just annoy your parents this seems to be the ultimate tool. Now of course there is one set back. It costs about $15,000 dollars to purchase one and have it sent to your home. I'm not entirely sure of the all the tech that goes into this, but I'm sure that there is quite a bit of mark up there.

In the end this is a product that I would much rather try out before I buy it. However, seeing as how the company is stationed in Europe somewhere I doubt I will ever get the chance. Not to say I would ever buy one in the first place, as I am musically slow.